This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
