Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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