I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
