He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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