I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
