Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
