I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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