Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
