I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
