Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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