did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
