the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
