My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
