she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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