walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
