Plan B is the new Plan A
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
