I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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