Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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