dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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