Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
