I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
