Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
