I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm getting married
To pizza
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
