i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
