There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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