Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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