Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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