god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
