I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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