I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
