Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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