I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
