i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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