Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
