dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
