your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
