If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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