Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
should my penis look like a turkey
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
