never play flip cup with pint glasses
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
