I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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