oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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