I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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