There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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