so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
