you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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