New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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