Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
