I feel great
I just peed on a car
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
