So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
