Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
