first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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