Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
