I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
