In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
