I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
