Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The air taste purple.
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