I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
