Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
