Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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