He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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