you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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