he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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