Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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