Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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