a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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