the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
