I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
