I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
