One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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