we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
