What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
