you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
