I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
