Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"