does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
