I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs