Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

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(617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw

Replies (26) Good night (11424) Bad night (965)
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(816): View more from Missouri

If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

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(816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur

Replies (16) Good night (9075) Bad night (1244)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.

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(908): fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off. http://tfl.nu/8rwr

Replies (40) Good night (1096) Bad night (5952)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"

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(615): Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing" http://tfl.nu/ru0o

Replies (7) Good night (4154) Bad night (1317)
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(765): View more from Indiana

let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

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(765): let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment. http://tfl.nu/novi

Replies (17) Good night (7274) Bad night (1180)
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(404): View more from Georgia

It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up

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(404): It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up http://tfl.nu/zf6y

Replies (27) Good night (1103) Bad night (4790)
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(928): View more from Arizona

note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

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(928): note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea http://tfl.nu/nwiv

Replies (15) Good night (5776) Bad night (1149)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function

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(201): I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function http://tfl.nu/ad1f

Replies (9) Good night (2687) Bad night (1175)
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(205): View more from Alabama

They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?

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(205): They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level? http://tfl.nu/pz2g

Replies (6) Good night (1892) Bad night (740)
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(248): View more from Michigan

thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm

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(248): thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm http://tfl.nu/wrnu

Replies (6) Good night (1957) Bad night (730)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.

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(814): I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/fkn8

Replies (10) Good night (1216) Bad night (564)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i found out she really is a mensa member

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party

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(484): i found out she really is a mensa member (215): so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party http://tfl.nu/5lqf

Replies (4) Good night (931) Bad night (491)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.

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(+44): When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits. http://tfl.nu/jw7g

Replies (3) Good night (495) Bad night (1266)
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(906): View more from Michigan

When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.

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(906): When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house. http://tfl.nu/xuce

Replies (8) Good night (627) Bad night (910)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Naked.

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(202): I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out. (202): Naked. http://tfl.nu/m66x

Replies (1) Good night (644) Bad night (778)

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