Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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