drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
