idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
