Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
